“Corny Stuff”

One of my favourite pieces of writing by Charles Bukowski comes from his correspondence with Sheri Martinelli.

It’s a short account of his haemorrhoidectomy and it’s quintessential Buk.

It goes:


the month of March is over. I went into the hospital on the 2nd., was sliced on the 3rd., and there was a bit of horror and disbelief—locked in with the whining crowd. and their T.V. sets and many of them with imagined ills, only wanting the great Mother because society has cut their balls off and they have lost touch with the undiscovered and important gods. no souls—just mouths, bodies pewking the misery of the sell-out. the bit of pain from the knives was nothing compared to being locked-in with them! at least on the job, you know that in a dozen hours you will be walking down the street alone—4 a.m.—with the last of the moon sinking into your skin and bones, the quiet air giving you no con-game… you slowly fill again, you go home. the mirror is hell, but that’s where you came from. but there’s always that stirring inch LEFT! that something you held all the way through. a seed. a lucky charm. love. guts. spinach. you name it. you know it. but in a hospital—that’s it. they’ve got you—(the docs and the nurses and the patients)—to talk to, fondle, slice, arrg. but I found me a little Mexican mop-up girl—all eyes and sadness, we had some laughs, corny stuff, I’d say, “Hey sweetie, you come to mop my white socks again?” “do they need it?” “oh yeah, once lightly!” and the little wench mopped my socks again! laughing. I always seem to meet these little Mexican girls working at dirty jobs, for nothing. beautifully real and easy. “If I could get out of this bed I’d chase you all around the room!” “why don’t you try it, you might catch me!” silly stuff, I guess. she’s 25 years younger than I am. old horny goat, Buk. but a lift. sure. she brought me a new pair of stockings when I left, threw them on my chest. “here! for your big stinky feet!” I didn’t have the guts to ask for her whereabouts when she wasn’t working.

Note: the Mexican mop-up girl he talks about is around 75 years old today—if she is still around somewhere.

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I wonder…

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Did she get the experimental jab?

Where does she live?

Does she remember Buk?

Does she have kids?

What is her go to ice cream flavor?

When was the last time she smiled and why?

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speaking of favourites…

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I like to prowl ordinary places
and taste the people—
from a distance.
I don’t want them too near
because that’s when attrition
starts.
but in supermarkets
laundromats
cafes
street corners
bus stops
eating places
drug stores
I can look at their bodies
and their faces
and their clothing—
watch the way they walk
or stand
or what they are doing.
I’m like an x-ray machine
I like them like that:
on view.
I imagine the best things
about them.
I imagine them brave and crazy
I imagine them beautiful.

I like to prowl the ordinary places.
I feel sorry for us all or glad for us
all
caught alive together
and awkward in that way.

there’s nothing better than the joke
of us
the seriousness of us
the dullness of us
buying stockings and carrots and gum
and magazines
buying birth control
candy
hair spray
and toilet paper.

we should build a great bonfire
we should congratulate ourselves on our
endurance

we stand in long lines
we walk about
we wait.

I like to prowl ordinary places
the people explain themselves to me
and I to them

a woman at 3:35pm
weighing purple grapes on a scale
looking at that scale very
seriously
she is dressed in a simple green dress
with a pattern of white flowers
she takes the grapes
puts them carefully into a white paper
bag

that’s lightning enough

the generals and the doctors may kill us
but we have
won.

59 Cents a Pound

ID 2030

here’s an idea for a dystopian sci-fi novel based on some of the current trends today:

old billionaire geezers turn to the LAST FRONTIER in an attempt to defy death and elude giving up their ghost. having conquered the economical and power structures globally they set their sights on transcending the mortal coil of the flesh with the aid of technology and science.

they have a vast resource at their disposal to experiment on/with: given that OVERPOPULATION is a pressing issue in their view they feel justified in subjecting citizens of the world to risky gene editing technology via mandatory veccination—with which they intend to hook up the antenna-fitted body to the CLOUD and then merge with AI.

and so experimental jabs are foisted upon the unsuspecting plebs with the help of servile careerist officials groomed into executive positions all over the world. they declare a pandemic that authorizes the first wave of a veccine rollout. and the story begins…

at heart, these delusional old farts regard themselves as misunderstood Beasts (shunned by Beauty for the moment) who are committed to elevate humanity out of the swamp of sweat & tears & blood & pus and are ready to make a sacrifice for that—come hell or high water.

they are doing it for a future that will recognize their contribution as DIVINE intervention…

// the morals of the story being:

Ort Frankfurt am Main / DeutschlandCredit OHNELegende Der Rassenhygeniker und spätere KZ-Arzt Josef Mengele während seiner Zeit am Institut für Erbbiologie und Rassenhygiene in Frankfurt am Main, das von seinem zweiten Doktorvater Otmar Freiherr von Verschuer geleitet wurde. Vgl. ID 5890152, dort mit Credit: Archiv zur Geschichte der Max-Planck-Gesellschaft, Berlin Dahlem. Dort auch die Datierung 1937-1940Fotograf OHNE(A) OHNE

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humans play God at their own (i.e. each other’s) peril.

1

any time a person or a group of persons interferes in the affairs of others in order to improve the existential state of affairs of those others: it is ultimately done to serve the interests of the person or group of persons doing the interfering.

2

a PARASITE is as a PARASITE does—hell bent on killing itself by eradicating the HOST.

3

the “THEY” is, of course, US.

given enough resources and legislative leverage: this is the endgame that almost all of us would aim at—in the current, reigning paradigm of consciousness.

given enough leeway to turn away from the real world and the problems involved—toward indulging our fantasies in the CLOUD 9 online where everything’s possible: this is the conclusion that almost all of us would arrive at.

the “they” are what WE collectively are—in the reigning paradigm of consciousness.

4

radical SELF-RELIANCE is the key the unlocks the closed loop of the existential anxiety.

Adding Blue to Red Yields Magenta

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what’s more interesting than the polarization intensifying in the global culture right now is the fact that there seems to be two major types of humans—each with their strengths (virtues) and weaknesses (sins). while some of us lean more toward socialism others of us tend more toward individualism. apparently.

the problem with communism and socialism (as I see it) is that it is based on the dynamics of codependence: wherein the parties are at the mercy of those who become the dominant members of the group; and the problem with individualism is that it is based on the psychology of separation and distrust.

in codependence the parties can abuse each other to the extent they are reliant on one another. in independence the individual is left to their own limited devices and is exposed to the elements.

these are the psycho-energetic poles we are magnetized toward when operating from existential anxiety. we either seek solace in the crowd or in the illusion of control of a self-directed life.

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polarity is not something to be resolved, though. polarity is a creative tension or force that drives development and growth.

in a way we were all waiting for the present stir of events. that’s why it’s here. and all that we can do is embrace for impact.

precisely what we are aching to do.

2020 The Perfect Storm

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so here we are many of us clearheaded and confident with a common sense finding the whole thing absurd with some of us articulating it to ourselves and others while the lunacy keeps escalating—and it doesn’t matter how eloquent and conversant we wax things do not seem to improve much—our collective consciousness is just too neurotic and dim to break into a smile unmasked and enlighten—intelligent speech alters not a dot in the course of governments have the final say no matter how ludicrous the measures they mandate and impose on their own substrate the citizens

but in a way this is the perfect storm—when all the control freaks come out the woodwork and all them fear-stricken righteous drones who borrow their spine and their marrow from rules and regulations and institutions of government get all exposed—as only the soul-deficient guilt-ridden lemmings feel the need to virtue signal and holier than thou their willfully blind way through the china shop of other people’s conscience

this is the real plague we are up against—a spiritual disease—it is we who’ve been the problem all along—not a nasty little beastie but we—we who want ourselves be shepherded and protected from the latest iteration and incarnation of some trumped up obnoxious phantom—we who let ourselves be discouraged from being simply honest and true and relying on our common sense and intuition—and embrace our inevitable and ineluctable lot—of exposure to Transience and Contingency

and so here we are in the rumbling belly of 2020—with the emerging phase shift where invited we are to lighten up and realize who we actually are and what we actually stand for—as we no longer want to continue to stand for hypocrisy and pretense and be the victim of our fears

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nothing out of the ordinary this—no—we grow—our humanity evolves—and while in the past it used to take the form of wars now it takes the form of a global hoax

this is the way it always goes: on the eve of a new spurt of growth we contract—for who knows how long—hopefully not beyond our lifetime though

Attention Quarantined

You become what you agree to attend to.

And your freedom turns on it.

Literally.

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Effort of attention is … the essential phenomenon of will.

William James

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The way Social Media can in effect anti-socialize us and Smart technologies dumb us down is the way that our capacity for discerning attention is under great threat in the Black Hole Glut of the Attention (=Distraction) Economy.

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And it all happens when we have no distinct idea about who we actually are and what we actually stand for.

Absent clarity of intent and intuitive self-reliance we’re bound to forfeit our agency and to defer to what (ever) is being curated for us.

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Free will then is not exempt from causes and conditions but is rather the flexible coordination of attention, intention and emotion in skillful action. That’s what it means to be free from a psychological and phenomenological perspective.

Evan Thompson

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Which reminds me of a profound poem by A. R. Ammons—which arrested my attention the very first time I read it:

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ATTENTION

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Down by the bay I

kept in mind

at once

the tips of all the rushleaves

and so

came to know

balance’s cost and true:

somewhere though in the whole field

is the one

tip

I will someday lose out of mind

and fall through.

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The Candid Are a Little Wild

“Honesty’s on short supply and we subsist on mendacities in times of grave crises. We cannot afford such luxuries as truth or common sense in drastic times.”

Norman Spineles

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they are worse than zombies. they are holier than thouing their willfully blind way through the china shop of your conscience.

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The meek shall inherit the earth.

the hell,

all that the meek can accomplish is be weak

and thus a vehicle for evil.

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it’s only the little wild

who can

open their heart a little wide.

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On the Flip Side

Read:

(a thought-provoking article by Georgi Dinkov)

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Meditation practice that doesn’t arise spontaneously (or comes to one organically) might only add to the stressload of everyday life.

Same goes, probably, for yoga and exercises of all sorts.

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Which reminds me of good intentions—paving the road to the proverbial hell—and a great quote by Robert A. Heinlein:

“Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil.”

I’m not sure about the ‘always’ in that sentence but goodwill has indeed proven to be quite slippery a virtue over the last century.

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What exactly is the connection there? Well, try and figure it out. The key word is spontaneous and organic . . . as opposed to programmatic.